How to Think About Feeling Stuck…
Let’s run through a few key “stuck” concepts, and come up with alternative words and phrases—some psychological and some not—that can let us be more specific about our emotions when we’re stuck or feeling like we can’t find our way out of a detrimental situation.
You’re not stuck. You’re dissatisfied.
There’s agency in that. You don’t just happen to be stuck. And you won’t just happen to get unstuck. You were involved in the problem, and you’ll be involved in the solution.
You’re not in a rut. You’re in a habit loop Involving cue, routine, and reward.
When you’re feeling stuck, your brain is trying to help you. It’s trying to save you time. It convinces you the Groundhog Day of your existence is a comfortable, safe thing because routine conserves brainpower. That’s the habit loop. Let’s say you’ve developed a habit of watching hundreds of TikToks for the first 30 minutes of your workday. The app is always there, so you can do this routine every day at the same time. All your bad habits work this way. And they can be disrupted by replacing the cue (sitting down at your desk at home) with a different cue (starting your day on your sofa) and switching up your routine.
You’re not overwhelmed. You’re experiencing increased optionality.
How do you commit when you’re exposed to so many options? For literally thousands of years, the people around us were our main reference group—the community that showed us how life was to be lived—and it felt as though humans had a much tighter set of options for moving through the world.
Now we have access to countless lives online and just as many ways of moving through the world. That can contribute to a feeling of paralysis. The options are almost oppressive. (Of course, the big fantasy is that there’s a best choice. Remember: Your life isn’t something that can be endlessly optimized or perfected. No matter how informed you are, there’s always going to be a measure of winging it.)
You’re not feeling paralyzed. Your brain is trying to protect your sunk costs.
“What am I giving up?” is a powerful anxiety. Humans are generally averse to gambling on an unknown future when they’ve built something. Your anxiety regarding change often comes from the fact that there are many moving pieces, and the longer you move through the world, the more linked everything is. It can feel like a house of cards or a line of dominoes.